History I learned in school that I now know
for a fact is a lie
The myth that Columbus discovered America:
Vikings vs Indians
America was discovered in 1492 because European
were starting to get curious about the outside world thanks to the renaissance
and enlightenment and European of the time just generally being the first smart
people ever. Columbus named the people who already lived there Indians, presumably
because he was being charmingly self-deprecating.
The truth
Here’s what we know. A bunch of Vikings set
up a successful colony in Greenland that lasted for 518 years (982-1500). To put
that into perspective, the white European settlement currently known as the
United States will need to wait until the year 2125 to match that longevity. The
Vikings spent a good portion of that time sending expeditions down south to try
to settle what they called vineland- which historian now believe was the east coast
of north America. After spending a couple decades sneaking ashore to raid
Vineland of its ample wood pulp, the Vikings made a go od settling in North
America in 1005. After landing there with livestock, supplies and between 100
and 300 settlers, they set up the first successful European American colony. For
two years. And then the Native Americans kicked their ass out of the country,
shooting the head Viking in the heart with an arrow.
So the recap, the Vikings discovered
America. They were camping off the coast of America, And had every reason to
settle America for about 500 years. Despite being the biggest badasses in
European history, one tangle with the natives was enough to convince the Vikings
that settling America wasn’t worth the trouble. If you think the pilgrims would
have fared any better that the Vikings against an East coast chock-full of
Native Americans, you ether don’t know what a Viking is or you’re placing
entirely too much stock in the strategic importance of having belt buckles on
your shoes.
If the Indians had been at full strength in
1640, white people might still be sneaking onto the east coast to steal wood
pulp. That’s as far as Vikings got in 500 years, and they were sailing from
much closer that Europe and desperately needed the resources – the two
competing theories for why the Viking settlements on Greenland eventually died
out are lack of resources and getting killed by natives – and, perhaps most importantly
they were goddamned Vikings
So why did you history teacher tell a lie?